Me, on New Year’s Eve: cough cough
Me: I am dying
Me: This calls for pizza.
GrubHub: Here’s somewhere you’ve never tried before. And they don’t charge a delivery fee!
Me: Do it quickly, before I perish
GrubHub: You got it. It’ll get to you around 10:00 PM.
11:00 PM
Me, on the phone: Hello pizza place. I ordered a pizza and
Store Owner: Ohhhh… oh, god.
Me: What’s the matter?
Me: Cough cough
Store Owner: I thought I took care of everyone already. Did you order through GrubHub?
Me: …Yeah
Store Owner: Fuck
Store Owner: Okay here’s the deal: My delivery driver quit halfway through their shift.
Me: what a dick
Store Owner: [Long and boring details that I don’t care about because i juST WANT PIZZA]
Store Owner: So I’m obviously gonna give you a refund, and since you were nice, and I want you to try us again, I’m gonna give you $15 off your next order.
Me: I think you mistake “nice” for “lying on the floor from low blood sugar” but ok
THE NEXT DAY
Me: Okay, pizza person was cool so I’m gonna try their store again.
Me: Hmm. The refund went through, but the $15 didn’t come through GrubHub. Better call the store.
Not The Store Owner: Hello?
Me: Hi, I’m calling to order a pizza for delivery. I have a coupon because I ordered last night and-
Not The Store Owner: Well… you’re not gonna like this.
Me: You don’t have a driver.
Not The Store Owner: So last night, our driver quit and… [the same thing I heard already]
Me: Okay okay please stop talking I am literally dying
Not The Store Owner: Our other driver comes back tomorrow, try us then
Me, ordering pizza from somewhere I know will actually send it: I completely understand. It’s not your fault
Me, internally: But I still wanT SOME GODDAMN PIZZA
But the place I ordered from never uses enough sauce, so my pizza craving goes unfulfilled.