Belongings

Security Guard: MATT.

Me: What

Security Guard: What the hell is wrong with you?

Me: Oh, let me list the ways

Security Guard: Do not touch patrons’ personal belongings!

Me: what

Security Guard: Under no circumstances are you granted the authority to move patrons’ stuff around.

Me: What are you talking about?

Security Guard: 5 minutes ago! You took that box over to security for lost & found.

Me: Yeah. Because it was a random box of junk in my department.

Security Guard: You don’t get to decide who gets to keep their stuff around.

Me: You’re right, I don’t. When people leave personal belongings lying around it’s policy to take it to lost and found.

Security Guard: You’re missing the point here. I already knew about that box.

Me: Congratulations.

Security Guard: And I notified your supervisor that the patron was returning for it.

Me: Cool, well nobody told me. Every patron in the room denied owning the box, so I took the appropriate action.

Security Guard: No you did not! You come find me!

Me: I went to a different security guard, so even by your reckoning I did the right thing.

Security Guard: Just… stop. Don’t do that again.

Me: I promise you that I will.

Security Guard: Are we gonna have a problem?

Me: You tell me!

Security Guard hasn’t really talked to me since.