I have located a relic of the ancient past: A copy of 1979’s Captain America.
Me: hahahaha hey Coworker get a load of this.
Coworker: Jeez, that’s old.
Me, reading: “When former Marine Steve Rogers is in an accident, his only hope for recovery is an injection of the FLAG super-serum – created years ago by his own father – which enhances each of his senses, as well as gives him great strength and fast reflexes. And to help him bring his attackers to justice, a government agency outfits him with a motorcycle and powerful shield, then turns the newly formed Captain America loose on the nation’s enemies.”
Coworker: That’s not… at all how Captain America works.
Me: WHOA. They made a sequel? AND IT IS ALSO ON THIS DVD?
Me, reading again: CAPTAIN AMERICA II: DEATH TOO SOON (1979)
Captain America returns to carry on the legacy of his father and defend the country – this time, however, he faces off against the terrorist known only as Miguel and the threat of a chemical agent that rapidly ages those who come in contact with it. Featuring… Christopher Lee?! As the villainous Miguel?!?!
Coworker: Wow. I knew Christopher Lee was problematic, but
Me: Problematic? Since when?
Coworker: Did you see his metal video?
Me: Yeah and it was AWESOME
Coworker: What about the part about the “blood of Saxon men”?
Me: Errrr… I know I’m not a metalhead or anything but isn’t that pretty par for the course?
Coworker: I dunno man. I’m fine with metal when it’s all fantasy but the minute it taps into reality it always makes me cringe.
Me, internally: Is Saxon a racial slur? Aren’t they, like, Germans anyway? I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS