Me, on the phone: Hey Mom
Mom: Something’s terribly wrong. You never call.
Me: Yeah well, Millennials hate phone calls.
Mom: What happened? Do you need bail money? Did you get hit by a car?
Me: No! Wait. Why was bail money your first guess? No, I just need to tell you something.
Mom: You got someone pregnant?
Me: MOTHER
Mom: All right, fine, what is it?
Me: I met this Friendly Older Fellow the other day.
Mom: Yeah
Me: And he did my taxes for me. My refund this year was a dollar. Anyway, he and I got to talking for a while, and at the end, he told me, uh… oh god, this is so weird. He told me that I had to call you and tell you that you guys did a great job as parents.
Mom: …
Mom: …
Mom: What
Me: I know, it’s weird
Mom: No, I mean, it’s just- you’re the worst.
Me: Thanks, Mom.