Me, minding my own business: Something about Pokemon, probably*
Cute Lady on the Street: Hey, can I ask you guys a question? What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Friend: Fuck this, I’m out
Me: I know this joke.
Me: I’m a fucking comedy writer.
Me: I swear to god I know this
Cute Lady: Do you need a hint?
Me: UGGGH IT’S A PUN I KNOW IT
Me: Unless it’s a trap. Are you fucking with me?
Cute Lady: No… well, maybe later.
Me, internally: I can’t tell if that’s heavy-duty flirting or a tactic to sell me something.
Me, internally: Either way, I’m into it.
Me: Okay give me a hint.
Cute Lady: Think about candy.
Me: God dammit it’s a gummy bear.
Cute Lady: Yeah! Hey, wanna see a magic trick?
Me: You’re a canvasser.
Cute Lady whips out a clipboard.
Me: My friend was right to leave but god damn your hook is incredible
Cute Lady: Long speech about saving kids from human trafficking or whatever, I’m sure it was very sad.
Me: Yeah that’s all very sad but I used to be a canvasser and I know exactly how this all plays out and nobody wins. How long you been doing this job?
Cute Lady: March. So like, 3 months?
Me: Yeah that sounds about right.
Cute Lady: What do you do now?
Me: I work at the library!
Cute Lady: No shit! I’m an English major and I’m going to do my MFA in creative writing.
Me: Well I hope you like your salary as a canvasser because that’s about what you can anticipate for the rest of your life with that degree.
Cute Lady: [something adorable and over-the-top flirty, I forget what it was but it made me feel nice]
Me: Yeah I’m tempted to give you my business card cuz I’d like to hear from you again but I’m terrified you’ll try to get me to donate again later so bye
5 minutes later…
Me: You had her pegged for a canvasser. How?
Friend from earlier: Did you see her coworker? He made eye contact with me before the bear joke and then immediately broke it when she started approaching us. Also I saw her name tag hiding in her purse, because she knows she’d be invisible if she had that out.
*But LOOK AT ALL THESE LAPRAS I CAUGHT TODAY
Jilly and I are working on more abortion content, but we’re taking our time to do it right!