Patron: Matt, I need your opinion on something.
Me: If you want opinions you came to the right place.
Patron: I knew I could count on you. Here, take a look at this:
Patron pulls out this fuckin thing:
Me: What in the actual fuck
Patron: I got two children, see, and tomorrow is the younger one’s birthday. And this one loves dogs. The other one loves, like, baby kittens and shit.
Me: I’ve never seen a card this size before.
Patron: It’s really weird how often I’ve heard that this week. They sell ‘em at Hallmark!
Me: Your dog-loving child will love it.