Lady Friend: Matt, you’re a dude
Me: This is what I have been led to believe, yes.
Lady Friend: I was thinking about getting my roommate a Christmas gift. See, he’s got this big ol’ beard, and I thought it would be nice to get him a beard grooming kit.
Me: …ok…
Lady Friend: But, I don’t want him to think “Wow, she thinks I’m disgusting.”
Me: He won’t think that.
Lady Friend: Are you sure?
Me: Absolutely. The only thing he will think is “oh, how thoughtful”
Me: Or some variant thereof.
Lady Friend: But… see, he doesn’t have any beard grooming stuff, so-
Me: I promise he’ll understand the thought.