Patron: Hey I need to return this.
Patron hands me giant box called “Civics and Citizenship Toolkit”.
Me: Uh… I don’t think this is ours.
Patron: It says Free Library.
Me: Huh. So it does. I guess… thanks?
Patron leaves.
I go in to scan the item back into the catalog.
Catalog: ITEM HAS ASSOCIATED MATERIALS. COUNT: 113.
Me: Fuck.
Later…
Supervisor: what the hell are you doing
Me: I’m counting to 113.
Supervisor: what
Me: there are 102 flash cards and 11 miscellaneous DVDs and pamphlets and stuff.
Supervisor: no
Supervisor: stop
Supervisor: what
Me: I dunno what to tell you man, it’s library property
Supervisor: no
So I finish counting and discover all 113 items are there, and discharge it.
Catalog: USER: BRANCH-DISCARD
Me, Supervisor: what
Later…
Supervisor: we are getting to the bottom of this right here and now. If a patron checks out a big, weird item like this from a branch, it should be returned to that same branch. This is crazy. You shouldn’t have to do this.
Supervisor calls Branch. Supervisor talks sternly to the other library. Supervisor looks at the box with alarm. Supervisor hangs up.
Supervisor: you are not gonna believe this stupid story
Me: oh I bet I will
Supervisor: Patron checks it out from Branch. Patron returns it to Branch-
Me: with you so far.
Supervisor: -and the box is filled with ROACHES.
Me, having been waist-deep in this shit for the last half hour: ew.
Supervisor: …so Branch decides they don’t want it so they give it back to the patron. The patron says they’re going to “clean it up” and return it, and then they gave it to Matt.
Head of Department: I see.
Supervisor: the branch left no indication that this was no longer library property. They didn’t take it out of the catalog. They literally did everything wrong.
Me: so…
Me: if the branch doesn’t want it anymore…
Me: And the Patron doesn’t want it anymore…
Me: And all of you don’t want it…
Literally Everyone: omg Matt no
Me: can I keep it?
Literally Everyone: THATS DISGUSTING
Me: BUT WHAT A CONVERSATION PIECE IT WOULD BE
Literally Everyone: GROSS
Me: I’ll put it in the Cooker* first!
Head of Department: that is actually less gross
Me: YES
Head of Department: but still no. We have to send it back to the branch and make them withdraw it from the catalog correctly.
Me: you guys are lame
*The Cooker is a heated box designed to kill bugs and germs on contaminated FLP property without harming the books/DVDs/etc