Patron: You! You shouldn’t be a librarian.
Me: I shouldn’t?
Patron: No! You should have been playing Thor all this time. You would have done a much better job than that Chris Hemsworth guy.
Me:
Coworker: Oh, my god. Matt woulda done anything in the whole world you wanted, you didn’t have to butter him up like that.
Me: SHHH yes they did
Patron: So, I lost my library card.
Me: VERILY
Me: T’WOULD’ST’ETH BE A PLEASURE TO RESTORE THINE LIBRARY PRIVILEGES
Coworker: God dammit, now we have to deal with this for the next week