Me: I bought this giant cookie from the place where I ate breakfast this morning. I don’t love it. You want some?
Everyone at the table: Holy shit free cookie hell YES
This One Dude: Nah man
Dude’s Friend: I know you skipped breakfast this morning.
This One Dude: It’s fine, I’m good
Dude’s Friend: Come on, nobody poisoned the damn cookie. You need calories. Eat.
Someone Else: Yeah, Matt’s been breaking off pieces and eating them, so he didn’t even bite it.
This One Dude: All right all right
I turned around to talk to someone else, and when I turned back, This One Dude had eaten the whole thing.