Me: Diamond rings are bullshit.
Lexi: Yeah but I still want one
Me: They’re practically worthless, their prices are artificially inflated
Lexi: Yeah but I still want one
Me: The only reason we think it’s “tradition” is because of an ad campaign less than a hundred years ago
Lexi: Well, gifts as a token of engagement have a longer history than that…
Lexi: But I still want one.
Me: I’ll give you a ring pop.
Lexi: And I’ll give you divorce papers.
Me: I’ll give you a ring pop once a week on Saturdays.
Lexi: …that sounds better. Wouldn’t that get even more expensive than the ring, though?
Me: Let’s see… I’m 28 years old, and the average life expectancy in the US is 78.69 says Google… that’s 58.69 years left to go, times 52 weeks in a year… and a bag of 4 ring pops is a dollar, so $.25 a pop… that’s $658.97. Three month’s salary for me at this time is roughly $6,000, if I’m lucky, so by buying ring pops for more than half a century, I will spend a tenth than if I get you what I’m “supposed” to.
Lexi: Can I choose the flavor of ring pop?
Me: Anything for my boo.