I’m walking by the Art Museum when I run into a friend of mine who I haven’t seen in a while. They’re walking their dog, who I’ve met before.
Friend: Hey Matt!
Me: AAA! How’s everybody doing today?
Friend: Life is great! How about you?
Me, kneeling: Oooh I’m doing better now that I see your little play face WHO’S A GOOD DOG?
Me: IT’S YOU
Me: LOOK AT THAT PLAY FACE
Me: Oh shit that’s a bite face
Dog tries to bite me and narrowly misses.
Dog: grrrrrrrr
Friend: Shit shit shit, I am so sorry
Me: I thought we were friends!
Friend: Are you okay?
Me: Yeah yeah, Dog didn’t actually get me. So anyway, are you coming to th-
Friend: But are you hurt?
Me: Nah I’m good. So did you wanna come to-
Friend: I’m so sorry, they don’t like men, and you’re, like, really tall, so
Me: No, really, I’m okay. The only thing that hurts is my pride.
Dog: rrrrrRUFF
Me: You would say that.