Me: There was a very big very gay wedding this week on Steven Universe and YOU MISSED IT BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T TAKE MY ADVICE AND WATCH IT.
Friend Who Is Always Excited By Gay Anything: I knooooooow isn’t it exciting?
Me: Well… well maybe you heard about it but you didn’t get to feel the hype and stuff because all of everything is spoiled in advance!
FWIAEBGA: That’s okay. I don’t like surprises. When I was a teenager, all my friends got together and planned a big surprise 16th birthday party for me.
Me: Oh, no. The horror. People love you. Must be awful.
FWIAEBGA: Well, it was weird because for two months leading up to it, they’d get all quiet when I entered a room. I thought they all hated me! For months!
Me: And that fear and distaste of surprises… extends to plot twists and unexpected turns in… children’s cartoons?
FWIAEBGA: Listen
FWIAEBGA: It’s not my fault my brain is wired weird, okay?