Crickly, crackly sound.
Me: Heeeeeey friend
Me: Whatcha got there?
Friend: Oh, this is my old phone screen protector. When you bend it, it makes this really satisfying snap.
Me: Can I try?
Friend, handing me the screen protector: Sure
Me, snapping: Oh
Me, snapping more: Oh wow
Me: This is amazing. Here. Take it back or I’ll use it up.
Friend: Go for it, I was done anyway
Me, snapping even more: Yay
Me: Okay. I’m done.
So I take the screen protector in my hand and crunch it into a ball in my fist.
Friend: MATT
Friend: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
Me: Ow
Friend: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT
Me: Ow ow ow ow ow
Friend: JESUS CHRIST DO I CALL AN AMBULANCE?
Me: Ow
Me: I thought it was made of plastic.
Friend: THAT IS GLASS YOU IDIOT
Me: I am covered in powdered glass
Me: I have many tiny holes in my hand.
Friend: WHAT DO WE EVEN DO IN THIS SITUATION?
Me: Scotch tape!
So I grab my trusty tape dispenser and use it to slowly remove the glass by dabbing it. I only cried a little bit, too!
Friend: Here, put some isopropyl on it.
Me, covering my poor hand in the stuff: Thank you.
Me: OW
Me: OW OW OW OW OW
Friend: You deserve this.