Halloween

Like, two weeks ago…

Coworker: Matt! What are you doing for Halloween?

Me: Eh. Nothing probably.

Coworker: Come on, we’re all dressing up, do it with us!

Me: I’m not really in the mood. I also [generic, boring excuse]

Coworker: Do you remember that time you told me about your favorite nickname?

Me: What, the water fairy*?

Coworker: But you didn’t work for a library yet. Now you can be the book fairy!

Me: I guess I could be a book fairy. What is involved in being a book fairy?

Coworker 2: You need a wand. And it just so happens that I like to make Harry Potter wands.

Me: I don’t know you guys, this seems really involved

Coworker: Shut up, you’re getting a costume.

Me: Well, okay… but it has to be, like, pink. And sparkly.

Coworker 2: Oh I am ON IT

Me: But no glitter, because glitter is evil and destroys oceans.

Coworker 2: Oooh. I like a challenge.

October 30th

Coworker 2: Ta-daa! THE WAND OF THE BOOK FAIRY!

Me: Wow, this is… incredible.

Coworker 2: And I found this old scarf, too!

Me: I guess I need wings, then.

Coworker: You didn’t get wings?

Me: I didn’t think we were actually going to follow through with this!

Coworker: What did you think all that planning was? Did you think we were just going to drop it all of a sudden?

Me: I don’t know!

Coworker: When have we ever let you down?

Me: I’VE KNOWN YOU FOR LIKE 3 MONTHS

Coworker: THAT’S A FAIR CRITICISM NOW GO GET WINGS

Dollar Tree Website: I have fairy wings.

Me: Awesome.

Dollar Tree in Center City, which is surprisingly difficult to find: Lol no i dont

Target: Halloween section is picked clean, friend.

Generic Dollar Store in West Philly: nope

Dollar General very close to my house: uhhhh… well… I have SOME wings…

Me: Perfect

Dollar General very close to my house: how’s this?

Me: Terrible

Me: I’ll take it

HALLOWEEN

Coworker: Matt, those are not fairy wings.

Coworker 2: I thought the whole idea is that you were going to be pink

Me: I couldn’t find any pink! It was all gone!

Me: But it doesn’t matter. I found this gold crown and tie too.

Me: And I LOOK FABULOUS.

*Someday I’ll remember to write this one down and publish it, it’s great