Vickie (a coworker): Haha hey Matt, get a load of this.
Me: Hm?
Vickie: My friend here is trying to pick a fight with me about how tall the Grinch is. But the wiki clearly says he’s 6’6″.
Me: The Grinch is not 6’6″.
Vickie: Oh damn, not you too.
Me: The Grinch is not one inch tall. The Grinch is microscopic. They live on a flower, in Whoville, carefully under the protection of Horton, who heard them. He might be tall for a Who, but he is not human-sized.
Vickie: He’s not a Who! He’s green!
Me: Is he?
Vickie: Yes!
Me: Check again.
Vickie, pulling up images from google search: See? Look!
Me: That’s from the TV special. If you’re looking for information, librarian, you need to search for the source.
Vickie: Fuck you, I’m getting the book.
Several minutes later
Vickie: He’s not green.
Me: He’s white!
Vickie: Maybe Dr. Seuss intended for it to be green, but they couldn’t print in that many colors?
Me: But there’s green on the cover.
Vickie: I don’t understand.
Me: It’s very simple, your entire existence is a lie.
Vickie: But what about the Jim Carrey movie?
Me: That shit’s not canon and you know it!
Vickie: That’s my favorite version!
Me: DO NOT DEFILE MY GRINCH WITH YOUR BLASPHEMY
Vickie: I’M CALLING IN ANOTHER LIBRARIAN.
Me: FINE. ME, TOO.
Vickie tags in Eren. I call on the aid of Nora.
Eren: I love the Jim Carrey movie!
Me: YOU ARE AN UNDISCERNING CONSUMER OF MEDIA
Vickie & Eren: DO NOT GATEKEEP MY GRINCH
Nora: They’re right, Matt. Don’t gatekeep the Grinch.
Me: FINE. But the only canon that matters is the original text
Nora & Eren: I can agree to that.
Vickie: No!
Me: That means he’s a Who.
Eren: Well…
Nora: He did live just north of Whoville, though I wouldn’t necessarily say that makes him a Who.
Vickie: Seuss worlds don’t have to make sense, he could be any number of fantasy species!
Me: The Grinch and Cindy Lou Who have literally the exact same face and body at different scales.
Nora, Eren, & Vickie: Oh damn, they really do have the same face.
Me: He’s a Who.
Vickie: A very tall Who. At 6’6″.
Me: He’s a microscopic fleck on a flower
Vickie: A snowflake!
Me: THE MOVIE DOESN’T COUNT
Vickie: YOU’RE JUST MAD BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT THAT TALL
Me: YOU LISTEN TO ME, YOU LITTLE SHIT
Nora: Guys! Guys, guys, guys. Maybe the Whos developed their own measurement scale, and the Grinch is 6’6″ even though to us he would be
Me & Vickie: SHUT UP, WE’RE GOING TO WAR
Me, reading Horton Hears a Who: The Mayor of Whoville expresses a deep gratitude to Horton for saving them, so maybe their version of Christmas is actually more related to the fact that this giant saved them…
Vickie: Whoville is like Springfield, then. There are like, a billion Springfields. And some Whovilles are bigger than others, and in this fantasy world-
Me: THEY LIVE ON A CLOVER IN THE JUNGLE OF JOOL
Vickie: JUNGLES DON’T HAVE SNOW
Me: A PERSON’S A PERSON NO MATTER HOW SMALL
Nora: Are you suggesting that Geisel actually did worldbuilding? And that The Grinch is actually the third installment of Horton Hatches the Egg?
Me: Obviously.
Nora: I don’t give him that much credit.
Me: You’re a hater.
Nora: Thank you!
Eren: I think he’s a Who. In Whoville. On the clover. In the Jungle of Jool.
Me: Thank you!
Vickie: I hate all of you.
Me: Now, for my next theory: The architectural design of Whoville looks very much like the town built by the Once-ler, and as such I humbly submit that The Lorax should join in the great Canon of Horton
Vickie, Eren, Nora: Go away
I’M BACK AT THE CENTRAL LIBRARY!
I DIDN’T MAKE A STORY ABOUT IT!
MAYBE I WILL SOMEDAY
HAPPY HOLIDAYS, I’M STILL TELLING TRUE-ISH TALL TALES
LOVE YOU BYE
It’s so good to see you post! I have nothing to contribute to this argument about The Grinch, but I can show you this video of a cat who is obsessed with it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCiRFiL2zqU
That is an excellent cat! Hope you had a wonderful holiday season 🙂
Hee. The best arguments are the stupidest ones. Merry Christmas.
Thank you. I just read Horton to my daughter and it made me think about the Grinch’s height