Me, walking into HR: Hello!
Everyone in HR: Hey Matt
Me, suddenly nervous that they all know me: So, I was looking at my W-2, and the address you guys have on file for me is, like, 3 years old.
HR Person: Okay, what’s your payroll number?
Me: [payroll number]
HR Person: Hah! I knew that. Shoulda trusted my memory.
Me, now VERY uncomfortable: Haha… ha… ha… so hang on, am I such a bad employee that you all know my personal information without looking me up?
HR Person 2: That’s a position you do not wanna be in.
HR Person, sweating: No, no, it’s just, uh, remember your hiring process was all weird? Because you came from the health department?
Me: THAT WAS FOUR YEARS AGO
HR Person: Hah, so, uh, here’s the change of address form
Me: I’ll never feel secure again.