I’m BACK

Posted on by Matt

Me: Oh-ho-ho-ho. It is midnight, my dudes. Time for me to indulge in a bit of the iced creams. With candy on top!

My dumbass hands: Hey I’m just gonna drop this M&M on the floor. It’s gonna crack the candy shell and make it look all sad.

My smartass brains: Just remember, you’ve been dealing with a whole colony of mice for the last week. You need to throw it away.

My dumb ass: FIVE SECOND RULE

My brain: That was the first piece of food you have consumed in your 30s.

I’m back! It’s my birthday! It’s my birthday and I’m

BACK

to annoy you all with my bizarre brand of comedy.

Boy oh boy do I feel good about it, too. I feel good about a lot of things, actually!

  1. I HAVE NEW ART! From the wonderful, charming, and wonderfully charming Joenell Luma, who you can find on instagram right here!
  2. I’m more-or-less healthy!
  3. Much of the rest of the world isn’t!
  4. More people have died of covid in my city than in the entire countries of Japan, South Korea, and Australia COMBINED*!
  5. Police violence against marginalized communities is skyrocketing! Or, it’s actually always been this bad and we just have cameras now. UNCLEAR
  6. The United States is in a rapid decline towards fascism!
  7. Hang on
  8. most of these are not happy
  9. oh no

That’s right, my beautiful audience, the world is in the shitter right now, and I think it’s as important as ever that we take small moments to laugh in ways that make us feel better without diminishing the importance or the darkness of the times we live in. And so, I will be here with social commentary, library jokes, non-library jokes, and a general sense of love for this dumb little planet we call home and those who inhabit it. Stay safe, stay kind, stay angry. I love you!

*The numbers are actually even more upsetting than I present here. Those three countries’ total deaths as of today? 1,437. Philadelphia deaths? 7,162. That’s not even all of Pennsylvania. Just Philly.

4 thoughts on “I’m BACK”

  1. In the past year I have moved to another state, which is very close to your state, and I’m really happy about being here, despite covid-19.

    I’m super delighted that you are back, and I’m looking forward to posts from you once more.

    Reply

  2. Hooray! I would check back now and again to see if you’d posted anything, and then I’d mildly stalk your Reddit profile simply to ensure you were still alive (you were). Yay for new posts!

    Reply

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