It’s Always Something

WEDNESDAY, JULY 18TH

So I land, very delayed, in Nashville, with precisely enough time to shove some food up into my face-hole— a necessary part of a preflight checklist for a long flight since Southwest no longer serves peanuts starting LIKE A WEEK BEFORE I WOULD ENJOY SOME PEANUTS*.

I stop off at this burger joint in the hairport and ask for a coffee, a burger with a salad, and some potato skins for the plane. I look the server directly in the eye and say “I want the burger as pink as you are legally allowed to make it.”

I received a well-done burger with fries even though the receipt clearly said salad. I barely had time to eat, let alone complain, and there was no price difference, so I forced it all down my gullet and moved on. At least, until I saw that a simple black coffee with no cream or sugar cost $2.50!!! I was about to pin up my hair in angry-white-lady style before the server returned with my check and a second coffee in a much larger to-go cup.

Server, you changed my mood in that instant. So I run run run off to my gate, arriving almost precisely on time, and that’s when I hear a voice behind me.

Kind Rando: uhhh excuse me. Your cup is… leaking from the top.

Me: oh shit

I try to take off my backpack, where the coffee is in a lil cup holder, but doing so made it spill more.

Me: Rando would you mind grabbing that for me? Thanks

So they do it, and I get my coffee…

And the goddamn lid has a straw opening in the top. It also has the normal disposable coffee lid, and who in fuck’s name authorized this design??

Anyway, Rando got some coffee on their hands so I hand them a napkin from the secret stash I had convinced myself I was crazy for holding onto in my pocket.

These potato skins better be good*. Guess I’ll find out once we take off.

 

*It turns out the peanut thing didn’t start until August 1st, but my point still stands! Kinda.

**even cold, they were awesome

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