Coworker: Matt
Me: Coworker
Coworker: Let’s say you know somebody.
Me: I know at least one
Coworker: And this person is on the verge of losing their job.
Me: Oh
Coworker: And they have… y’know, like… a drug problem.
Coworker: What advice do you give this person?
Me: Is it you?
Coworker: N- w- do I look like I have a drug problem, motherfucker?
Me: Many people look like many things.
Coworker: So what do you do with this person?
Me: Does this person work for the City?
Coworker: Yeah.
Me: Have them call the union. The only people on the planet that will advocate for them harder than the union would be their parents, and sometimes not even then.
Coworker: That’s what I said!
Me: The union will pull them out of work, with pay, and send ’em off to rehab. Then they can go back to work.
Coworker: Exactly!
Me: I’m guessing this person has not done that.
Coworker: They have not. Said it would be too embarrassing.
Me: More embarrassing than losing their job and sleeping on asphalt?
Coworker: EXACTLY
Me: An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, friend.
Coworker: And like, we can see. We can tell the work performance is bad. We can see the attendance is bad. We see them coming in not totally in their own head. We all fuckin’ know. They ain’t foolin nobody.
Me: Okay but seriously do I know this person
Coworker: I’m not tellin you you gossipy bitch!
Me: It’s true
Me: I am a gossipy bitch.
Talking to the union is better than living in a van down by the river!
ON A STEADY DIET OF GOVERNMENT CHEESE
THRICE DIVORCED!