Patron: Hey, I need a new library card.
Me: Sure. Have you ever had one before?
Patron: Yeah, maybe like, 2 years ago.
Me: Hmm… I don’t see you. Did you ever go by a different name?
Patron: No.
Me: Nickname that might be in the system?
Patron: No.
Me: Common misspellings of your name?
Patron: Dude my name is James Jones*.
Me: Welp. Can’t find you so I’m gonna have you fill out a new application.
Meanwhile, during this conversation, Security Guard is waiting patiently behind Patron for them to leave. Patron goes to fill out a library card application, and Security Guard leans in close, whispers something ominous-looking, and escorts them out of the building.
Me, 20 minutes later: Yo, Security Guard. What was the deal with that?
Security Guard: We got a personal hygiene complaint about that Patron.
Me: Say hwha
Security Guard: You didn’t smell them? It wasn’t, like, underarms either. They straight up smelled like piss.
Me: Whoa
Security Guard: I guess that desk keeps you further away from the patrons than I thought. I thought I was gonna puke.
Me: Blessed be my lack of observational capacity.
*No it wasn’t