Me: Hey Friend! Buying a new mattress?
Friend, looking at mattresses on the internet: Yup
Me: You know, that whole industry is a scam. You should go for a used one. People leave ‘em out on the street!
Friend: You want me to being a street mattress into my house.
Me: Yeah! Well no. Not right away. Let it sit out for a few days, maybe let it sit through a rainstorm or two, then bring it in.
Friend: You sicken me.
Me: But seriously, I did get a used mattress and I’m really happy with it.
Friend: You can go now.
Me: And it has the added benefit of the knowledge that someone definitely had sex in it before me.
Friend: Ew
Me: Probably multiple people!
Friend: Stop