Mysterious Number

Last weekend, I got a weird text from an unknown number- 813 (Tampa, FL) area code:

But, never one to back out of a potential story, I decided to clown back at this clown:

That weird url above? Well, that links to this video (don’t worry, this embed is on my YouTube channel so there’s no security threats):

A few days went by, and then this person started talking to me about harvesting the organs of the Chinese population and how it’s a travesty. It is, of course, but I still don’t know who is texting me, so I play into it like an improv scene. That’s when they started ranting about communism and socialism being the downfall of America and, by the way, we don’t have concentration camps out by the border where asylum-seekers are being tortured and killed. This part of the conversation took several days, but here is how it ended:

It’s true- I like clowns. The correspondents over at the Daily Show are clowns. Sacha Baron Cohen is a clown. Clowns entertain, and serve to highlight important, often uncomfortable, aspects of humanity. I like to think I am a clown! This idiot? They are not a clown. They are a troll. And I don’t respect, appreciate, or tolerate trolls.

…but I’m a clown. Or at least, a fan of the art of clowning. I wonder if I can give this troll enough rope to hang themselves.

I behaved like I blocked the number. As in, I stopped replying, but kept receiving messages. I had a feeling I knew what would happen next. And I was kind of right: I got a big long rant about how Franklin Roosevelt started the internment camp program and how it took the courage of a future Republican to apologize for it. Obviously, that’s skipping out on… really big chunks of why the words “Democrat” and “Republican” have changed meanings over the decades, but I’m acting like I blocked the number, so I don’t reply. Trolls feed on the energy of bad-faith debate, so I’m out to starve the troll.

Yesterday- Friday the 21st- I got a new text from a new number. Ranting more about the concentration camps. This was the next thing I expected to happen, and this time it came from a 215 (Philly) area code. I find this somewhat alarming, as that means whoever this is does actually know who I am- a generic robot troll would have come at me with a 717 (Central PA) phone number, because that’s what I have.

Still, I’m a clown. And clowns gonna clown, yo. I acted like I didn’t already talk to the troll from a different number.

And then, I got one last set of texts from one last number, 610 (Also Philly):

Until another text arrived this morning: Another weird video. This one a CG rendering of Donald Trump campaign signs in 4 year increments- 2020, 2024, 2028, et cetera. I’m not going to post that because nobody needs to see it. It doesn’t even make sense- Donald Trump is in poor enough health that he’s not going to live to see a 2024 campaign (since he would ignore the laws around third terms anyway).

I waited for a while to post this- it’s about 8:15pm while I’m writing this, only 10 hours late from my usual Tall Tale posting deadline- because I wanted to see what would happen next. So far, Troll has been silent.

From a superficial interpretation of this story, this might appear anticlimactic. But upon closer inspection, I see a clear victory in a battle of wits.

Troll thought they owned me. They thought they could manipulate me, infuriate me, debate me. But I was a shithead too, once, and I know how the game is played. Behind the veil of their cell phone, Troll wanted to whip me into a frenzy. It was their sole objective. They didn’t realize they were talking to a clown.

I’m better at this than you are, Troll. I don’t know who you are, and I can’t say I really care. I know that you tried to get under my skin, and I forced you to quit playing. I’m sure you’re off to fuck up somebody else’s day, and I hope you just stumble on more and more clowns until you quit your sad endeavor once and for all. I’m glad I was able to waste a few days of your precious trolling time.

As for me? I’ll take the free story and post your failure publicly.

See ya!