Me: Hi! How’s it going today?
Patron: Been better, been better. I got robbed the other day and I need a new card.
Me: Oh shit
Patron: BOY, YOU TELLIN ME. And the way they was, I could tell that was nobody’s first time doin the crime. It was like bing bang POW
Me: …now I kinda wanna know what happened
Patron: Oh YOU WANNA KNOW, huh? SO THERE I WAS outside the Wawa at 19th and Market at like 4am
Me: Good
Patron: And there’s like, this little indentation in the building, right? And y’all can’t see shit in there at night unless you walk right past it
Me: So you walk right past it
Patron: And there was a little tippy tap on the shoulder and a grab and I was like “WHOOOOA NO. I LOVE MY LIFE”
Me: I can tell you do
Patron: …and that’s where my wallet went.
Me: Why were you at a Wawa at 4am?
Patron: Well. Um. I was tryna score some K2
Me: I don’t know wh-
Patron: So you know how marijuana takes you up to the atmosphere? K2 takes you to the STRATOSPHERE haha
Me: I feel like there are safer ways to accomplish this goal