Friend From Yesterday: MATT
Yellow Cart: What what what
Yellow Cart: One of my coworkers just gave me this!
Friend hands me a little business card with a domestic abuse hotline phone number on it.
Me: …why?
Friend: They saw my new teeth, and my old, shitty missing teeth, and gave me this and said “Whatever he’s doing to you, you don’t have to stick around for it. There’s help.
Me: …
Me: I really shouldn’t laugh, but…
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH
Friend: Motherfucker I am single!
Friend: And I’m happy about that fact!
Me: So what did you say??
Friend: That I’m single and they should fuck off!
Friend: So they looked at me all puzzled and shit and said, “You came to work missing all your teeth?”
Me: HAH
Friend: What else am I supposed to do? Sit at home for a year while my jaw heals? How much sick time do you think I have?
Me: What a potentially-thoughtful asshole.