My Aunts Valery and Mary are in Philadelphia for the day. Val co-wrote a book on her experience as a Nurse in the early days of the AIDS epidemic in New York City. Now available for preorder!
So they’re in town to give a speech at Jefferson University. Simple enough, right? Well, no. They’re speaking at Jefferson’s East Falls campus, which is not all that accessible for someone who doesn’t have a car. I actually have a few coworkers who refuse to bike in the area just because it’s not safe for cyclists.
Not one to be deterred by “common sense” or “Matt, just take a Lyft”, I checked google maps. It’s a 20-minute ride from my house to the venue, and so I left 30-40 minutes before the talk started.
It’s a hard ride, mostly uphill. I’ve been to City Avenue before, and I hate it, but sure, I’ll go for family. It’s not until I get there that I say to myself, “Hey wait a second, this isn’t East Falls, and Jefferson has no presence on City Ave.”
I don’t know how I fucked up so bad, but I had set the address in my calendar event for the talk to Val and Mary’s hotel, which is a Hilton up that way. But hey! East Falls is pretty close to that way, right?
Most of the time I love Philadelphia. Whenever I have to go this far north… I hate it.
East Falls in particular is very hilly. And the Wissahickon bike trail is what looks like 100 ft below Henry avenue, which is where I’m headed. I didn’t know that second part until I looked up and saw the bridge above me. If I hadn’t been so exhausted, I would have taken a photo.
That was when I checked Google maps again. This time, it gave me something closer to this:
So now, I’m given a choice. I’m directly below my destination, and there’s no way up there- especially with a bike. I can go forward along my original route, or I can turn around and do this new thing. I’m not too excited for either route. One is foreign to me, the other involves going up a sheer cliff on this dumb bike trail, and then goes way out of my way.
So I curse the sky, turn around, and go the way I don’t already know. Surprise, surprise: That was a mistake. Now, instead of going up a sheer cliff on a semi-familiar bike trail, I have to go up a sheer cliff on a tiny sidewalk next to heavy traffic and more pedestrians.
It felt like an hour of huffing and puffing, but I made it at long last to the bridge above the Wissahickon trail. I even stopped for a moment to look down and admire all the hard work that got me up there, but only for a second. By now, I was definitely late for Aunt Val’s talk.
I passed the venue twice. One of the drawbacks of never having been to college is that I have no idea how campuses are laid out. Sure, I know Penn and Drexel pretty well, but they (mostly) stick to the city blocks they’re built on. Jefferson’s East Falls campus feels like I’m deep in the suburbs.
Then, at long last, I found it. There was a handy bike rack nearby, I locked up, and I made it there just in time…
…for the talk to be over. I’ve now been riding for nearly two hours, and I didn’t even get there in time. I walk into the building, expecting it to be empty.
Mary: There he is!
Me, panting: Yup. I am here.
Mary, hugging me: Jesus Christ, what happened to you?
Me:
Professor: …Valery, I have to say, that presentation was incredible. I’ve never seen anything like it at this school. The room was completely quiet. Not a cough, not a sneeze, not a single ruffled paper. I’ve never seen these students so quiet before. It was perfect.
Me, quietly: Aww, maaaaaan.
Valery: Oh, you did make it. Did you see the talk?
Me: I did not.
Valery: You look awful, come eat!
Professor: Please, eat! I don’t want all this to go to waste.
I was seriously impressed by the food selection there. I had just eaten before I left, but nearly 2 hours of uphill cycling pretty much emptied out any fuel I put in there. I ate most of what you see here, and lots more that wasn’t pictured.
Ellen, Val’s coauthor: Ooh, I’m getting emails. They loved the talk!
Me: Who’s they?
Ellen: The people who watched the live stream!
Me: Does that mean…?
Me: I can watch it after all!
Valery: Would have been nice to have you here in the room…
Me: Yes yes, I’m an awful nephew, I know.
I love you anyway!