Open Mic

I’m trying to do more open mics after I’ve had a small amount of stage success. When I was at a party a couple weeks ago, someone told me about the Raven Lounge on 17th and Sansom in Philly.

I’m like, “shit yeah, I’ll go up, give off this persona of being another white dude who thinks saying ‘cock’ and ‘pussy’ on stage is hilarious, and then tell a bunch of wholesome library jokes. This’ll be great!”

So they host an open mic every Tuesday night.

Description of the event
Source: phillyfunguide.com

Sounds promising! Unfortunately, on Tuesdays I’m generally feeling pretty bleh- Monday nights I work until 9 and I have trouble convincing myself to go lie down before 2am… so I devise a crafty plan.

I go to work. I steal a few minutes here and there to nap when nobody’s looking. I go straight home. I kick my shoes off, lie down for a little bit, wake up, have a glass of tea, and zoop back down to Center City and entertain the people!

All goes well. My alarm goes off in the evening. I ignore it.

I ignore it?

Shit shit shit, this is why I exist in a perpetual state of being late to everything. Skip the tea, zip zap zoop on down to Center City, arrive at the Raven Lounge just a few minutes before 9.

And I’m one of the first ones there. This is great! It’s a small venue. I hate that it’s really just a bar, but beggars can’t be choosers.

Another description of the event!
Source: facebook

I AM READY. I go re-read some old Today at the Library stories, and I’m prepared to make comedy magic happen. I sign up to go on stage. I’m 10th in line! This is a big improvement from my last open mic, where I was #42.

What a night this will be.

The first act goes on stage. They’re holding a guitar. Yeah, okay. Open mic means open, right? You get up on stage and you do what you want.

Host: Hey everybody, I’m your host tonight. Got a couple songs I wanna share with you, and we have a great lineup. Couple covers, and lots of original music. We always like original music here at the Raven Lounge.

Me:  what

Host: So sit back and enjoy the musical stylings of all our great talent tonight!

Me: w h a t

So if you go to that Philly fun guide page, and scroll all the way down, there’s a list of tags for the event. Mostly music-related.

This is not a place for comedians.

So I cross my name off the list and go home. It’s just as well.

I always feel kinda bleh on Tuesdays anyway.

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