Patron: Hey, so, I didn’t get the reminder email that this was due.
Me: Yeah, we did some computer updates a few weeks back and the email reminder system has been wonky.
Patron: Aw man, that sucks. Oh, well. The reminders are nice but I understand that tracking the due dates is my job, not yours.
Me, wiping a tear: Thank you so much
Patron: Do people give you shit?
Me, openly weeping: SO MUCH
Patron: Okay buddy take it down a notch there
Me, melting into a puddle of saline: I LOVE YOU
The ‘I didn’t authorize this fine’ guy was more real, though, wasn’t he??