Phone Call

I’m out and about in the city with a friend.

Friend: Hey Matt, you want a ride home? I’m going that way anyway.

Me: Sure.

And so we drove, talking for a bit until their phone rang. Friend has one of those bluetooth cars where the call comes through the speakers.

Friend: This is my kid, I gotta take this. Hi!

Kid: Hiiiiii

Friend: What’s going on? How’s everything over at college?

Kid: UGH

Kid: So me and my friends, right? They wanted to bring me to this party. And, like, this is the first college party where I was… y’know, legal. And it’s just…

Kid: Everyone was drinking SO MUCH. It was completely insane and completely just… awful.

Friend: Oh, I know it.

Kid: It’s just… drinking culture in America is just so terrible. Alcohol is just so poisonous, and we chug it for sport!

Friend: I feel like… didn’t the WHO* come out with a study last year saying that no amount of alcohol is safe to consume?

Kid: Exactly! “None” is the safe amount of alcohol to drink.

Friend: Tell you what: You’re studying neuroscience. Just print out a fake waiver-lookin thing telling them you can study their brains after they’ve burned them out. Maybe that’ll scare ’em into shape.

Kid: HAH

Around this time, we pulled up to my house and I got out. Friend’s got a smart kid. Gives me hope for the future!

*I googled it later, and didn’t find a report of this from the WHO. I did find an NPR article citing a study from the Lancet saying that in August of 2018, though.

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