Patron: That security guard wouldn’t let me out the FUCKIN door
Me: there’s no need for hostili-
Patron: because I don’t have the FUCKIN receipt
Me: well that’s just uncalled fo-
Patron: because I checked it out under SOMEONE ELSE’S NAME
Me: and you didn’t foresee any potential problems with this plan?
Patron: WHAT
Me: I said, “do you have your library card?”
Patron: NO
Me: welp there’s not much anyone can do for you I’m afraid
Patron: I HAVE THAT RECEIPT IN MY POSSESSION
Me: I’m sure
Patron: I’LL FIND IT! Hold the book for me!
Me: Sure
Me, internally: absolutely not