Real Writer

So I’ve been recruited into a game of Dungeons and Dragons by tall John and his sister Kristen. Mostly Kristen though. My experience with D&D before today was… less than awesome, and with Tall John, but I’m going in with an open mind.

Me: Okay, so I’m gonna show up on the day and I’m gonna cast summon snack. And I’m going to bring period-appropriate foods.

Kristen, the Dungeon Master: Great

Me: Like chocolate covered almonds.

Tall John: …yeah.

Kristen: Chocolate is an import of the Orcish empire. Was that not clear?

Me: To cast this spell, you must travel to the summoning building and commit a sacrifice to the Capitalism gods

Me: But if you cast it wrong, you get Skittles.

Tall John: … this campaign is about to get 100% more Monty Python/Terry Pratchett, isn’t it?

Me: Well, I am a faux comedy writer.

Tall John: No, you’re a real, legitimate writer.

Me: Aw, thanks

Tall John: Who writes faux comedy.

Me: Wait

Tall John: Like Adam Sandler.

So anyway we’re meeting up for out first session tonight.