Security Guard: Matt! You have a beard!
Me: uh
Security Guard: Coworker, you told me Matt shaved off his beard
Coworker: I did not say that.
Security Guard: You said Matt was all clean-cut and shaved!
Coworker: I did not say that.
Me: I don’t think anyone has ever said that
Me: Who would call me clean-cut
Me: Like
Me: ever
Me: Dude what
Security Guard: Okay!
Ten minutes later…
Security Guard: Coworker what was that you were tellin’ me about Matt and he was in a plane crash
Me: Dude
Security Guard: And of course he had to eat the ones that died!
Me: Okay, seriously
Security Guard: I couldn’t’a done it
Coworker: I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about
Security Guard: I would’a starved.
Me: Security Guard, I have never been in a plane crash.
Patron: Oooh that sounds like a great first line for a novel!!
Me: :/
Patron: You don’t… feel a loss there, do you?
Me: Well, it’s something I’d like to do before I die.
Patron:
Me:
Patron:
Me:
Patron:
Me: Like, a couple minutes before I die
Security Guard: Coworker, I think Imma get a deep fryer
Me: WHAT IS YOUR DEAL