Me: Okay. Okay okay okay. Let’s do this.
Roommate: Hey Matt, did you wanna do grocery shopping tonight?
Me, swallowing the 4 laxative tablets: Errrrrrm… sure!
Roommate: Is that your prep stuff for the colonoscopy?
Me, swallowing some of that Powerade with the not-MiraLAX in it: Yup
Roommate: …are you sure you want to go shopping after you swallowed that?
Me: Yeah! It’ll be fine.
Roommate: …but are you sure?
Me: We’ll make it fast. In and out, half an hour. It’ll be great!
Half an hour later, in line for checkout…
Me: Oh.
Me: Oh, no.
Roommate: I told you!
Me: Oh, fuck. I didn’t expect this to hurt.
Roommate: If you shit in my car I swear to god
I did not shit in the car. Came pretty close, though!