Patron Who ALWAYS Spills Shit: Do I have any DVDs due today?
Me, preparing for the flood: …yeah… I can renew those
Patron Who ALWAYS Spills Shit: NO. YOU DO NOT RENEW UNLESS I TELL YOU TO RENEW.
Me, hoping to avoid a monsoon: Sorry, but I already did it.
Patron Who ALWAYS Spills Shit: BUT I HAVE THEM RIGHT HERE. And you RENEWED THEM!
Me, having just showered and hoping to stay clean: well now all your due dates are the same, so you can remember everything easier. You can still return those if you like.
Patron Who ALWAYS Spills Shit: WELL I MIGHT AS WELL KEEP IT NOW! Sheesh! Talk about jumping to conclusions. You jump a lot.
Me, wondering if I’m in the clear: Okay cool. We good?
Supervisor: Patron? I think you left some coffee in your bag and it’s spilling everywhere
Me, looking at the table underneath Patron’s 90,000 bags: motherFUCKER