The Worst Thing About Patrons Is

Coworker From Another Department: So, what’s the biggest problem you have down here in circulation?

Me: People don’t take ownership of their library cards very seriously. Half my job at the front desk is issuing new ones to folks who’ve lost theirs. It’s free, so people are often pretty careless. Sure, we’ve got people in unstable living situations, halfway houses, in and out of homeless shelters- and that’s fine! I don’t have any problem catering to that population. But the absent-minded, entitled patrons who are constantly losing stuff just grinds my gears. I’ve had two library cards in my whole life: One for Greencastle, PA from the early 1990s and the one in my pocket from 2011.

Patron: Hi, now that I have my card, I can download books online, right?

Me: Yup

Patron: And how do I do that?

Me: You’re going to go on and look for a service called Overdri-

Patron: And what do I need? Kindle? Computer?

Me, pointing directly at the reference desk: For those questions, I’d direct you to the librarian at the reference desk.

Patron, approaching random patron: Is it this person?

Me: No. The reference desk.

Patron, approaching the same random patron: Them right here?

Me: No. The person who is seated behind a desk. That is the reference librarian.

Patron, waaaay up in random patron’s grill: So, them?

Me, to Coworker from other department: That’s a close second.

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