Friend: god, I hate being on a liquid diet
Me: Why are you on a liquid diet?
Friend: I have new teeth!
Friend opens their mouth and shows me their top teeth.
Me: Those are very shiny
Me: Why do you have new teeth?
Friend: You mean to tell me you didn’t notice my teeth are rotting out of my face?
Me: Well
Me: Yes
Me: But I wasn’t gonna say that.
Friend: Well, I’m losing all my teeth. So I need new ones.
Me: Why are you losing your teeth?
Friend: Bad fucking luck. I’ve never smoked, I brush my teeth every day, but it’s just bad genetics. The roots of the teeth don’t anchor into my jaw right, so no matter what they’re all going to just fall out.
Me: That’s horrifying
Friend: haha right? So anyway, the dentist has to take out my old teeth, mold a special set of fake teeth, drill in to the bone, anchor everything in properly, then I have to wait six months for it all to heal up so they can make a second set of top teeth, perfectly and specially molded.
Friend: and plot twist: My insurance will only cover one set of false teeth for my entire life, so the dentist has to get everything perfectly right or we’re in a lot of trouble. Cuz this shit is expensive.
Me: Jesus Christ
Friend: Yeah and then we have to do it all over again for the bottom teeth
Me: fuck
Friend: But then I’ll have a mouth!
Me: You’re what, 27?
Friend: 26.
Me: And your new teeth will last for life?
Friend: They’re… supposed to!
Me: And if they don’t?
Friend: I’ll be in less trouble than if I lost all my teeth at age 26.
Me: What a world
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