Party Guest 1: vegan ice cream?
Me: yeah that’s a thing
Party Guest 1: yeah I know but like… no
Me: exactly. You don’t want to eat animal byproduct, fine. Sure. Whatever. But why do you have to make your tofu into fake whatever? Just eat the damn kale
Party Guest 2: some people don’t believe in eating meat
Me: I don’t believe in listening to Nickelback but that doesn’t stop them from rewriting the same song over and over
Me: I didn’t evolve for X billion years to eat beans shaped like actual food. Gimme the cow already