In preparation for a wedding, the custodial department has placed a table in front of our self checkout station.
Coworker: Excuse me! You can’t leave that table there. We need those computers.
Custodial: Aw jeez, sorry. Where can we put it?
Me: Over along this wall here. Here, I’ll help you!
Coworker: No no no. That’s not your job. They can handle it, Helpful Henry.
Me: Helpful Henry?
Coworker: It’s what you call someone when they ass is super helpful?
Me: What, is that supposed to hurt my feelings?
Me: I’m not even a little insulted.
Me: My ass is very helpful!
Different Coworker: His ass is pretty helpful.
Me: You’re losing your edge, Coworker. I take pride in this new title. You wanna hurt me, huh? YOU BETTER STEP UP YOUR GAME
Coworker: Oh god
Me: I AM HELPFUL HENRY, WHOSE LEGENDARY ASS HELPS ONE AND ALL
Coworker: Stop