There’s a Halloween teen party in the building and they’re all dressed up.
Teen Painted Green: Do you guys have any witches hats?
Coworkers: No
Me: No, but congratulations! That is, I think, the weirdest question I have ever fielded here at the front desk.
Coworkers: Hahahahaha
GreenTeen: Come on, man…
5 minutes later, GreenTeen returned with a paper cup and some cookies.
GreenTeen: I promise, I did not poison this.
Me: Why would you say that
Me: What did you do
Me, sniffing green drink: What is this
Me: Why is this
Me: What’s your name
Me: Who is your mother
GreenTeen: Just drink it.
Me: What did you do
GreenTeen: It’s green potion. Spoooky!
Me: Did you spit in this?
Teen: No. Just drink it!
Me: What’s it made of, what is its country of origin, who was involved in its preparation, and list all the elements of the periodic table involved
GreenTeen, backing away slowly: It’s fine. It’s green potion! Just drink it.
Me: …
Me: …
Me: …no.
When they were gone, I threw the drink away.
10 minutes later:
GreenTeen: Okay now drink this.
Me: NO!
GreenTeen: Also, have more cookies
Me: WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO TO ME
Coworker: Did they come back?
Me: THEY CAME BACK. WITH MORE POISON.
Different Coworker: Yeah but one of us made those eyeball cookies, so they’re good.
Me: I MADE FUN OF THEM FOR THE WITCH HATS THING. THIS IS AN ASSASSINATION. I KNOW IT.
Coworker: Don’t you think that’s a bit paranoid.
Me: I do not.
Ten minutes later:
GreenTeen: Where my witch hat at?
Supervisor: You offered them a witches hat?
Me: I DID NO SUCH THING.
Coworker: Are you The Hulk?
GreenTeen: NO DAMMIT I’M A WITCH
GreenTeen: Now give me my hat.
Supervisor: Why did you tell them you had a hat?
Me: I DID NOT!
Coworker: It’s true- he never said anything about a hat.
GreenTeen: You better find me a hat. Broom too.
GreenTeen starts waving their hands.
GreenTeen: Or bad stuff’s gonna happen to you. On the inside.
Me: WHAT DID YOU DO TO THAT DRINK?!
GreenTeen: Be careful when you go to the bathroom later.
GreenTeen: OooooOOoOOOOOooooOOOoOOooo
Me: I WAS RIGHT
Me: BY GOD, I WAS RIGHT
Ten minutes later:
GreenTeen: Where my hat at
Me: ALL RIGHT
Me: YOU WANT A HAT? I’ll give you a fuckin… hang on
Me, typing furiously: kid wants a hat I’ll give ‘em a god damn hat
So I print out a photo of a witch’s hat and I scotch tape it to their forehead.
Different Teen: Is that the guy you gave the laxatives to?
Me: THAT’S A CRIME
Me: I GIVE YOU A WITCH’S HAT AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME?!
Me: Seriously though that is a crime. Don’t do stuff like that. You’re lucky I threw those drinks away.
GreenTeen: You know I didn’t actually do that right?
Me: I KNOW NOTHING.
Anyway, happy Halloween or whatever.