Patron: Can you tell me my library card number?
Me: I, uh… have no idea who you are.
Patron: But I need my number to find my hold.
Me: You actually don’t… but do you have any ID?
Patron: I don’t?
Me: No. Holds are organized by name.
Patron: HAH! Spouse was wrong. Ha ha-ha ha. How unusual am I right?
Patron prances off, proud of the fact that Spouse was wrong about something, then returns with their hold and Spouse in tow about 2 minutes later.
Me: Great! Do you have your card?
Patron: No. I don’t have a card.
Me: Yes, you do. You need a card to put holds on books.
Patron: Well I need one. It’s a long, complicated story-
Me: Did you register online?
Patron: No!! It’s very long and compli-
Spouse: I did. I registered them online. We need to complete the registration process.
Me: This story is neither long nor complicated.
Patron: But-
Me: Spouse isn’t always wrong now, are they?
Patron: But-
Spouse: WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HIM