Category: Matt’s Tall Tales

Sup, dog?

Am I smart?

How to say words?

Not all jokes belong to me.

Who is Holly?

Oscar season is upon us. Wait. Why is it a season? It’s a singular event.

Lawyers can be fun!

Every vendor in Philadelphia is lying to you about soda.

I worked at one. Kinda.

I have to FEEL IT, y’know?

I’m confused.

I don’t feel so good.

Oh.

It’s a whole process.

I’m really good at this whole home ownership thing.

The fuckin wall.

I hate my dad.

Explosions! Big hair! Filler episodes!

Brace yourself

It turns out I observe more than just the people in my immediate vicinity.

Scheduling!

WELCOME BACK MATT HERE’S SOME FRUSTRATING NONSENSE

MORE PUNS

It’s a Thing!

Me: Uggggggh Me: I haven’t been to work since Christmas. I think it’s the flu. AND I haven’t written any new Tall Tales…

‘Tis but a scratch

I’m really good at being alive.

First world problems!

It’s true. I am one.

Stranger A, to Stranger B: Oh! I love your necklace. Stranger A: AH! And it matches your bracelet! Stranger B: Earrings, too! Both…

Accents are weird.

Context!

Hustle hustle

I got a weird new name?

I make an unsolicited comment!

I’m wild.

Jilly and I watched Sully. Me: Wow. What a soulless cash grab. Jilly: This movie was devoid of artistic integrity. Me: It’s like…

If you give a kitten a mouse, will it ask for a cookie?

Acquaintance: I can’t believe the chick from Xena: Warrior Princess is Chyna the Wrestler. Me: You can’t believe it because it isn’t true….

Real. Fucking. Lightsabers.

I almost died!

FREE!

Does the thought still count if you don’t know what the thought is?

It’s me. I’m the longhair.

This is funny and all but let’s not forget PETA is the actual worst

Fruit is smarter than me.

I’m funny!