My very old high school friend Brad came to Philly for a surprise visit. We got lunch!
Brad: I think our server likes you, Jilly.
Me: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Jilly: Of course the server likes me. Everybody likes me.
Me and Brad: Ehhhhhhhhhh
Jilly, rightly ignoring us: They are kinda cute though.
Me, loudly, but, like, not on purpose, it’s just my default/only volume: Well then you should get their number.
At that exact moment, Server brings the next plate of food, literally standing 6 inches from my face.
Cue uncomfortable silence, then Server leaves.
Brad: WAY TO GO, MATT
Jilly: YEAH MATT, WAY TO GO
Me: I DIDN’T KNOW THEY WERE THERE
Jilly: HAVE YOU NO SENSE OF DISCRETION
Me: I mean, not really
Brad: They could have fallen in love and had a profound and meaningful relationship IF NOT FOR YOU
Me: Well… at least she’s already got one profound and meaningful relationship? Right?
Jilly and Brad: Ehhhhhhhhh