New Librarian: There’s a juice spill in the corner over there. What do we do?
Me: Errrmmmmmm… call security? I know a number of them double as custodial.
Big Important Librarian: Wait wait wait, come here.
Big Important Librarian: Here’s the number you call for building maintenance.
Me: Oh, great. Thanks!
Big Important Librarian: Don’t leave, I’m not done.
Me: Uhhhh
Big Important Librarian: You call this number. You say hello. You very quietly and politely ask how their day is going.
Me: I don’t-
Big Important Librarian: And then you shut up and listen. Because anything you’ve experienced today is peanuts compared to what they’ve been through.
Me: Oh yeah. Because 75 people just called them about juice spills.
Big Important Librarian: Usually worse, but yes. And then you smile into the phone, nod, and go “ohhhh noooo” and you let them air their grievances for as long as it takes.
Me: That makes sen-
Big Important Librarian: Not done. Then, you say “Thank you very much” and hang up the phone. THEN, you wait and see who they send. When the custodial staff arrives, you point out the mess, and you say “oopsie! Accidents happen! Haha” and you smile and nod. Then you smile and nod some more.
Me: this seems excessive
Big Important Librarian: Sometimes, the custodial staff, who have been through a lot, get upset with the public. Your job now is to assign blame to nobody, and keep repeating “accidents happen” and smile and nod until they leave, at which time you express pure gratefulness.
Me: Okay-
Big Important Librarian: Do not let the custodians, or security, or anybody, yell at the public.
Me: How likely is that to happen?
Big Important Librarian: With you here, it won’t happen. Got it?
Me: Got it.
Big Important Librarian: And then at the end of the year we get them a plate of cookies.
Big Important Librarian: They like oatmeal raisin.