Me: Well, this is it.
Me: My last day.
Me: I am prepared for this.
Me: My very soul is ready.
Me: I have come to say good-bye.
Coworker: Dude
Coworker: You’re going, like, 30 feet away.
Me: But the unique social dynamic that exists here is about to be lost to time- it’s a paradigm shift that cannot be undone.
Me: I am happy for my achievements, and look forward to the future, but I must, in this moment, appreciate what I have, for tomorrow it will be gone.
Coworker: Oh my god
Me: In my time here, I have come to admire most of you Coworkers, and I cherish the time we spent together.
Coworker: I can’t believe I’ve tolerated your bullshit for 4 years
Me: Alas, change is but the nature of the universe. I will fight change no more than I will fight the currents of time, for grasping on to a changed past brings only pain.
Coworker: I will not miss you
Me: So good-bye, friends. Rather than cling to the present to craft my future, I promise to remember you all fondly.
Coworker: Get out of my department.
Me: Maybe not all of you.