Patron: Ugh why is all this stuff on Amazon now, why can’t I buy it in the store?
Me: Well, they all went out of business because they couldn’t manage their stores.
Patron: What? FYE went out of business?
Me: I mean, I didn’t say FYE, but yeah, the one in Center City did.
Patron, who is standing in a library: SHIT.
Patron: That was my favorite store. Next they’ll be closing kmart…
Me: You know that the kmart in center city already clos-
Patron: I JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT I’LL DO IF THEY CLOSE THE WAL-MART
Me: Wal-Mart is the worst, I hope they all close.
Patron: IT’S MY FAVORITE STORE NOOOOOOOO DON’T SAY THAT
Me, taking a sip from my mug: uh-huh
Patron: Whatcha drinking there? Coffee?
Me: It’s te-
Patron: Y’know coffee’s no good for you, espECIALLY Starbucks coffee
Me: Dude.