Me: I think it’s time to go clean-shaven.
Me: It’s the moral thing to do.
Me: It’s the socially responsible thing to do.
Me: We all have to wear masks, and a beard- especially one as big and poofy as mine- increases air flow in and out of the mask.
Me: I’ve had a beard for years. It’ll be tough to see it go.
Tall John: Nope
Tall John: Nope nope nope
Tall John: no
Tall John: uh-uh.
Me: uh
Tall John: Are you wearing an N95?
Me: no
Tall John: Are you wearing some other kind of medical-grade sealed mask?
Me: You know I’m not.
Tall John: Then that’s a stupid reason to shave. And you’re stupid. Here’s an article that explains why you are stupid.
Me: I don’t think that’s exactly what it’s saying
Tall John: You may not shave
Tall John: You will not shave
Tall John: You do not have my permission to shave
Me: uhhhhh
Tall John: This is my opinion, strictly informed by science, and the desire to keep an informed electorate
Me: Are we voting on beards…?
Tall John: my opinion is not informed by the fact that I already purchased you beard-related birthday gifts.
Me: Ahhhh
