The 40 Year Old
Me: Have you ever had a library card before? Older Patron: Aw jeez I was probably just graduating high school last time I…
Category: Today At The Library
True-ish tall tales from the Free Library of Philadelphia!
Next In Line Please
While I’m alone at the front desk, two patrons approach me- one from the front, the other from the right. There’s a plainly…
Libraries Aren’t Quiet
Out in the main lobby, there’s like 300 of schoolkids making a ruckus as the Philly Phanatic steps out for a surprise appearance…
Sticky
Me, behind the dropbox: Oh god. Oh, my god. Oh these DVDs are all… sticky… Me, spraying the plastic covers with sanitizer: Why….
Melodrama!
Me: Hi! How ya doin today? Melodramatic Patron: …ashamed… Me: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE Melodramatic Patron, sniffling: I’m… I’m late. Me: sigh Melodramatic…
Personal Responsibility
Patron: Hey, so, I didn’t get the reminder email that this was due. Me: Yeah, we did some computer updates a few weeks…
There’s No Fine Because I Say So
Patron: My books are overdue! Me: All right, well, let’s take care of that then. Patron: I refuse these fines. Me: 😐 Patron:…
Jeeves
Old Patron: Ahh, here’s the concert section. The birth of rock ‘n roll! When you get to be an old pensioner like me,…
Be Nice to the New Patron
Older, Out of Town Patron: …I tried calling in but nobody could answer my questions. Me: What do you want to know? Older,…
Long Address
Me: Whew! That is quite an address you have there, my friend. Indian Patron: Yes, it is quite long. Me: Is that common…
Today At The Library is not accepting submissions.
Me: So I got this blog, right Coworker: Yeah Me: And I tell funny library stories Coworker: Got it Me: I think I’m…
Why would you carry incense in your mouth?
Me: Hello Patron with Incense in Mouth: Me: Hi Patron with Incense in Mouth: Me: How’s it going? Patron with Incense in Mouth:…
Too Many Books
Patron With 20 Books: Hello Me: That’s quite a reading list you got there. PW20B: I have to get them all from different…
Not That Matt
Librarian: Hey Matt! Patron wants to talk to you Patron I’ve Never Met Before: Hi!!! Thank you SO MUCH Me: You’re… welcome PINMB…
Did I Do That?
Mushmouth Patron walks up to the desk, throws their backpack onto it, and knocks a bunch of heavy stuff off the desk and…
Just Give Me the Card
Me: Do you have your library card? Patron: …and I’ve got some returns, some renewals Me: Great. Your card? Patron: Ah… this one….
Ew ew ew ew
Mumbly Patron: Heyifyouhavepairofscissorscanyouopenthismaybe? Mumbly Patron hands me a new pair of earbuds. Me: Haha what’s this giant dent with the black spots? What…
Jimmy Fallon
Patron: Y’all know how to get Jimmy Fallon’s address and phone number? Me: Uhhhh Me: No? Patron: Aww. Damn. I could definitely be…
New Policy
If you’re going to hover can you at least pay attention to what you’re hovering over
Not a Pun
Very Old Patron: Why can you never hear when a psychologist goes to the restroom? Me, internally: hehe I know this Coworker: I…
Not the Bs!
Me, putting TV shows on the shelf: Popular song lyyyyrics Patron: Nooo! I just finished with the B section and now you’ve added…
They’re Not Customers!
Me: Hey! How’s it going? Coworker: Aww, you took my customer? Me: Customer? Where? I don’t see any customers. Coworker: Right in front…
Snax
Me, hungrily: Hey Me: Hey Coworker Me: Ya got any snaxxxxx Coworker Who Literally Always Has Snaxxxxx: Yeah. For me. Me: But do…
Arden Theatre
Coworker: …It’s $30 a week. Nosy Me: What is? Coworker: My kid’s going to a special program with Arden Theatre Nosy Me: Niccccccccce…
Technically True
Patron: Excuse me, do you guys have any pamphlets on the library system here? Me, handing them a pamphlet: Here you go. Patron:…
